My Brain Picks Battles for Me

When something goes wrong (as things tend to do. This is life, after all), I instinctually view the situation as conflict. For instance, if a perfectly lovely handyman didn’t get all the way to the edges in a few spots when he painted the ceiling…well, he must be trying to get away with something. He must be taking advantage of me. He didn’t paint the ceiling properly at me.

I immediately make it a Big Thing in my head. I have imaginary conversations in which I make valiant attempts to stand up for myself. Or I jump to the final dire consequences: small claims court, Judge Judy style.

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All the while I feel victimized. And that sucks. Because victimization = powerlessness.

But, amid the chaos of my thoughts–and it’s hella chaotic up in here–somehow I managed to remember something about vengeance and attack thoughts from A Course in Miracles:

What I see is a form of vengeance.

[This] idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack thoughts in his mind must see the world. Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees vengeance about to strike him. His own attack is thus perceived as self defense. This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him then? 

(Lesson 22, Workbook for Students, ACIM)

The basic theme here: cut that shit out. Because who wants to live their life in constant battle? Not this girl.

So, I tried a different tact (in my own head, of course. All of this is going on in my own head. Apparently, I don’t need other folks to create conflict. My own brain does it for me. Rad.). I assumed best intent. I assumed that, instead of not painting the ceiling well at me the dude just needed to do a little touch-up. And that, instead of trying to get away with something, maybe he just hadn’t noticed because his head had been craned back like an open Pez Dispenser all day long paining my ceiling.

And just like that, all the fight left the situation. Because I wasn’t bringing any fight to the situation. I was just observing a lack of ceiling white paint on the edges of the–ahem–ceiling. But, let me tell you, an observation and a battle are two totally different things.

He knew, by the way. He knew he’d have to touch up the ceiling. And he did. With no complaints. No battle. And no Judge Judy involved.

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3 comments

  1. snoelr · July 19

    Oh, my brain wants to fight about things all the time! Especially bad, it likes to wake me up in the middle of the night because it wants to fight about stuff that happened YEARS ago. I’ll have to try this tip out. Might help with the sleeping 🙂

    Like

    • Kendra Lee · July 19

      I don’t know if you’ve ever read ACIM, but it really speaks to me–like on a deep, profound, life-changing level. I have trouble reading the Bible and listening past the condemnation I heard as a kid. But ACIM… really challenges me to get past what I think I know about myself & the divine and open myself to the spiritual possibilities. It’s both scary (I was taught this stuff is blasphemy) and invigorating because I can FEEL my perspective shift–truly, in my heart, FEEL it. Powerful stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

      • snoelr · July 20

        I’d never even heard of it til now. I’m checking it out right now.

        Like

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